Sometimes I’m amazed by how things change around here so rapidly.  I wake up one morning, go for a run, come back an hour later, and my daughter–who barely could muster her way through the word “down” is saying, “hi,” and “mama” all on her own.

That, my friends, is progress.  And that, to me, is the best part of raising a child–watching the progression.   For adoptive parents with children who have significant delays, the progression tends to happen sporadically.  We go from asking ourselves whether or not our children will ever catch up, to being completely satisfied that, yes, it will happen just–in its own time.  And when it does, it happens–literally–overnight.

Audri still isn’t speaking regularly; but she also isn’t producing those blank stares that have come to haunt me.  She’s repeating the words she’s hearing and she’s using them within relevant context.   I’m no expert, but I have read that children who are taken from their native language sort of go into a “language arrest” of sorts because they’re bombarded with new words and new sounds.  It takes a lot of effort for children to reproduce these sounds.  I can tell this, too, by Audri’s version of “yeeee-ha!”  We have a Mega Blocks farm with sounds and music, including “yeeee-ha!” Audri repeats it as “yeeeee-kah!”  It’s almost like she has a little accent.  She’s going from a language filled with hard sounds and clunky consonants to words with more vowels and new letters that produce altogether different sounds.  So, it’s no wonder these kids can’t talk right from the get-go.

But the progress I’ve seen over the past three months has been tremendous–and not only in the speech/language area, but also by Audri’s comprehension, her motor skills, and–well, basically, the fact that she’s engaged speaks volumes.  Four months ago, this little girl was just playing with lace curtains because they were nothing like she had ever felt before.  Now she’s engaged in toys and activities and people.  And when I say, “look at mama” she looks at me square in the eye–something else that was unheard of back in Ukraine.

So, yes, things are going well.  We’re actually on some sort of a schedule, finally–and she’s napping now for two hours during the afternoon.  She’s still tiny, but she fits much better into clothes sized for a 24 month-old instead of an 18-month old.  She’s having far fewer tantrum, which, I suspect, is due to the fact that she understands us much better.  She’s still a toddler, though!

Audri saw a cardiologist last week who performed an echocardiogram and, despite the doctors in Ukraine who diagnosed her with a mitral valve prolapse , he found nothing wrong at all with the exception that her heart, and all of the chambers, is sized for a three year-old, though her body surface area is not.  He was confident, though, that she will catch up soon enough.  Next week, Audri visits with an audiologist, just to make sure her hearing is ok, and we feel confident everything will be fine.

Yeeeee-ka!

Pa and I decided to keep a low profile for Audri’s birthday.  We figured too many presents and too much hoopla would overwhelm her.  It was definitely a good call.  The small celebration we did was plenty for her.

We even staggered her gifts throughout the day–starting with a programmable, talking Elmo doll that greeted her at the breakfast table with a “Happy Birthday, Audri” song.  She didn’t quite know what to make of it at first, but she warmed up to him.

Later in the day, Audri had her first vanilla cupcake, topped with fluffy, pink  frosting and a yellow flower.  She was mesmerized by the lighted “3″ candle and smiled as we three sang the “Happy Birthday” song.  She might not have been aware it was her birthday–but she definitely knew she was the center of attention.

Her birthday was a welcome distraction from some of the recent craziness we’ve been experiencing.  Audri is starting to show us her stubborn side–and when we correct her over things like not scribbling on the couch, not taking off her diaper in bed, and not getting up from the table while eating–she talks back.  It’s all babblespeak, but her tone clearly conveys her anger and frustration toward us and she makes it known that she doesn’t like being told what to do.  It’s hard because on the one hand, we have rules by which she must abide.  I get nervous about correcting her.  I had the same fear with Mr. Na–but, over time, I realized that he needed that structure.  It’s kinda cute, though, when we’ve had our little disagreements, Audri will cry–but she’ll pucker up her lips to kiss me, as if to say “are we still good?”  I give her a big kiss and tell her I love her but she needs to keep her diaper on.

Her other little power struggle stems from our trying to get her to talk.  Audri has about 20 English words she uses on a daily basis–but when we try to get her to say them, she shuts down.  In other words, when she tries to get down from the table, we’ll say, “down?” and she’ll respond by saying, “meh?” (which is her standard response to everything).  So we’ll say, “Audri say down” and she’ll reply “meh?” and this will go on for several minutes before she finally gives up and attempts to back to eating, even though she originally wanted to get down because she was full.  So, it’s stuff like that where she throws down the gauntlet.  I think, though, this is similar to our power struggle with Mr. Na over potty training.  The more we pushed, the more he resisted.  So maybe if we back down a little, she’ll initiate dialogue all on her own.

There’s nothing I love more, though, than feeling her snuggle up against me in the morning, when I come in to wake her up (the snuggling only happens, though, if she’s left her diaper on!)  I know she knows that despite our agreements, we’re still good.

Audri had her first doctor’s appointment last week and it couldn’t have gone any better.  Of course, I say that, but I’m not the one who was jabbed in the legs six times to be immunized.  Nor did I have to part with three vials of blood.  The whole experience took a lot out of Audri, and for her efforts, we rewarded her with a gigantic Elmo balloon.  She now walks around saying, “El-moooooooo!”

I’d say Audri’s learned about 20 words since she’s been home; and she now says “Audri” and can say a cute version of Mr. Na’s name.  I can see her working very hard to learn how to form her mouth for each word.  She studies us intently, so we exaggerate every syllable of each word–which is probably why she says, “El-mooooooo”!

The doctor didn’t seem overly concerned with Audri’s delays.  We agreed that it’s too soon to stick her in some sort of therapy because of the tremendous progress she’s made in just two short months.  Once she’s home for six months, we’ll flesh out a plan if need be.  Right now, our strategy seems to work: fill her little tank with food, love, and encouragement.  It’s already paid off in that she’s gained four pounds, grown a half inch, her head’s grown a half inch and she can say words like “El-moooooo”!

In my short two-month tenure as a mother of two, I’ve finally discovered what many parents have long told me:  having two children is a lot different than having one.  It’s twice the work and it takes twice the effort, and despite your good intentions of playing the role of diplomat, the two siblings will not instantly bond or become best friends.

My children couldn’t be more different than one another–which is fine since one of our family tenets is to celebrate our diversity.  But because we each have strong personalities, there’s a constant clashing between Na and La, that Pa and I tend to get worked up about.  It’s normal stuff, too, like jealousy or protection of one’s possessions or personal space.  Mr. Na has long been an only-child, and this is his first foray into sibling equality.  It hasn’t been easy for him.

So, in addition to cleaning up after two small children constantly, and satisfying the needs of an extra person, I have to play peacekeeper, on top of the difficult challenge of taking care of a post-institutionalized child who never learned how to form a solid attachment to anyone, or learn how to play with toys, and never got enough food, and was never encouraged to talk.  These tasks make my days pretty draining.  And just when I seemed to have somewhat of a handle on the chaos, Pa leaves to attend several meetings in Europe for 12 days.

Pa’s business trips are nothing new.  In fact, if anything, his travel has been reduced over the last year, due to the economy.  Before Na started elementary school, we were lucky enough to accompany Pa to a few European destinations; but even when he was in kindergarten last year, I had the entire day to myself.  This year, I have zero time to myself, and even after 8 intensive hours with La, I have to devote time and energy to Na when he gets home.  By 9 p.m., after the kids are in bed, I’m spent.  I’ve gotten into the habit, now, of getting up at 6:00 a.m. every day, just so I can have a little time to myself before the chaos begins.

This last week has been pretty rough on me, and I couldn’t imagine raising two spirited children by myself.  Yet somehow, I manage to get out of bed every morning feeling recharged and ready to face the day.  I greet my children with smiles and kisses and genuine enthusiasm because I am happy to see them.  I love them and wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world.  Just like learning the ropes of raising one child, the two-child household is still new to me and I have to navigate through choppy waters before I have a grip on things. We do what we can because we love what we do.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to put my armor on so I can go to battle.

Time is flying.  Little Miss La La has been with us for six weeks now!  We’ve had our ups and downs, but mostly, ups!  It’s so hard because she still can’t communicate with us and she’s frustrated…we can see it when she clenches her jaw and makes little fists in both hands.  But she’s understanding a fair amount of English.  We can tell her to go and get her toothbrush, even if we’re in another room.  We also tell her to close the door and turn on the fan when she’s getting ready for bed.

The hardest part, I think, is that we really can’t seem to put her on ant sort of “schedule”.  She doesn’t like napping but if she doesn’t take a nap, by 4 p.m., she’s extremely cranky.  Sometimes she’ll want to take a mid-morning nap…or sometimes she’ll scream her little head off in her bed, instead of getting any downtime at all.

But I think a lot of her sleepiness is because she’s growing.  She’s already gained four pounds in the six weeks she’s been home; and she has learned some English (she can say “bye” and “Scoutie”–our dog, and “yeah” and “ok” and “hi” and “”ow!”) and she’s actually playing with toys and learning from Mr. Na by watching him…this is why, I think, she prefers Hot Wheels and Monster Trucks over dolls!

La’s a hearty eater.  She enjoys veggies like broccoli, tomatoes, peas and carrots.  She’ll try anything once and if she likes it, she’ll stick with it.  If not, she quickly asks for something else.  She’s great at pointing to tell us what she wants.  I’d say her favorite food right now is soynut butter sandwiches!  She goes postively ga-ga over them!

I try not to take her out too much to overstimulate her, but I have taken her to a local indoor pool because she loves playing in the water.  She also loves playing at the park–but she prefers laying face down on the grass to smell and feel it  instead of playing in a sandbox or go down on the slide or swings.

She and I are bonding very nicely since I’m the one home all day with her.  She recognizes that Pa is her Pa and Peter is her brother and I am her Ma…but we’ve noticed that when strangers come over, her inclination is to be picked up and held by them.  We seem to think it’s the whole multiple caregiver thing—she still thinks someone is going to come and relieve me from my duty.  We’ve had to coach our friends not to pick her up…and if she asks for it, they need to say, “There’s your mama” or “There’s your papa.”  but stuff like that goes away over time.

For now, we’ll just keep motoring on!  This is the fun part!

Audri and Pa arrived home a week after we did, and let me tell you I was grateful to have that week to recover from the massive Ukrainian flu strain I had and to move Na into his new “big boy” room.  I also had time to buy some things for Audri–and this was something I couldn’t do for Na when we brought him home since we arrived all together.  This time, it was nice to be able to take the time and make some purchases based on her correct size and preferences.  By the time they made it home the following Friday, Audri’s new room was all ready for her.

I was worried at first, when we met them at the airport, because I wasn’t sure if Audri would remember me when she saw me.  But the instant she did, she was all smiles and it just warmed my heart!  I was so glad things went so smoothly.  Pa said she slept during the entire flight home to Seattle, which explained her cheerfulness at 11:00 p.m.  This was advantageous, too, because when she met Scout for the first time, she smiled and pet him and giggled when he licked her face.  Scout, on the other hand, seemed a little perplexed.  First, he lost his sister and then we bring a new baby home!  It took him awhile to break out of his mopiness.  I think Pa helped with the transition by giving him lots of extra attention, taking him places and letting him sleep in the den on the floor beside Pa when Pa had a bad case of jet lag and kept crazy hours.

Audri seems to be adjusting pretty well though she doesn’t like sleeping alone in her crib.  We’ve tried different strategies–like putting her on our bed until she fell asleep and then placing her in her crib.  On the night after they arrived, she fell asleep in Pa’s arms on the couch in the den, making it easy to transport her to her room upstairs.  I hope she gets over her fear soon.  I hate to hear her wailing because she’s afraid of being alone.  But, oddly enough, she’s perfectly fine when we slip her into her crib and then come and see her in the morning.  She never cries during the night (our bedroom is right next to hers), and she’s super cheerful when we come into her room in the morning.  I guess it’s just that initial reaction of being alone after being in a room with several children for so long.

But honestly, that’s been the only hardship.  Audri is a hearty eater and has pretty much enjoyed everything we’ve put in front of her–which makes her so different from Na who has always been a picky eater.  His jaw hit the floor when he saw her eating tomatoes!  Funny thing, though, is that seeing her try new foods has inspired him to be a little experimental himself.  No, he still won’t eat tomatoes…but he’s often said, “I’d like to try what you’re having for dinner tonight!” instead of having his usual “cheesey noodles”!

We still have a long way to go with little Audri…she definitely needs time to play catch up.  There’s no doubt she acts more like an 18-month old than a nearly 3 year-old.  But I know, in due time, things will fall into place.

The alarm went off at 5:45 a.m. and for a few moments, I had no idea where I was.  It didn’t take too long, especially since Na’s foot jabbed me right in the ribs.  It was time to wake up, splash some cold water on my face, get him up and get ready to go back to the airport.

It only took 30 minutes to get ourselves and our luggage back together, but when we got to the lobby, the queue to board the shuttle to go back to the airport wound its way from the parking lot back inside the hotel.  Our flight was at 8:30 a.m. and the way I saw it, if we had waited too much longer to get on a shuttle, we would surely have missed our flight (again!)

The porter called me a cab and within five minutes, we were out front of the Delta terminal.  The ride cost $15!  For a 5-minute ride!  What a wonderful way to feel welcomed back to the States!  I only had $16 and the cabbie pretty much laughed at me and took off.

Another huge line wound its way around to the Delta ticket counter–and from there, we stood in yet another line for security.  So that by the time we got through, it was pretty much time to board our flight–without breakfast.  The line at Starbucks was at least 50 deep, while the line at Burger King–the only eating establishment open–was 25 deep.  I opted for the magazine stand, where I plunked down my credit card and loaded up on chocolate covered raisins, bottled water, and trail mix.  I felt like the worst mom on the planet.  Who feeds their child chocolate covered raisins for breakfast?

What was worse was that when we got our seat assignments at the Delta ticket counter, the woman told me all she had left was the Emergency Exit Row, in which Na wasn’t allowed to  sit because he was too young.  She told me that we’d have to have our seat assignments changed at the gate.  But by the time we got to the gate, everyone was boarding.  At the counter, I stood next to a woman complaining about being seated on the absolute last row, in front of the lavatories.  She whined that her seat wouldn’t recline and she couldn’t stand the smell of the lavatories.  But when she caught wind that I had to change our seats because of the law prohibiting Na to sit in an exit row, she whined even louder, saying that she wanted our seats.  The woman behind the desk refused to give in.  Somehow, she managed to re-seat us, but it wasn’t without HER hemming and hawing about how difficult it was and why the woman at the ticketing desk shouldn’t have assigned us in the exit row to being with, and blah, blah, blah!  The irony of it all was that these were two full grown women whining and my six year-old son took everything in stride!

Finally, we boarded the flight and I felt at peace once we got in the air.  I was going home and it felt grand!

Amazingly, those five hours passed quickly.  We landed at 11:30 in the morning and caught a cab to take us home.  It was warm out but all the sights and smells comforted me immensely.  When we got home, I basically threw everything in the living room.  I damn near wanted to burn all of our luggage, I was so sick of schlepping it for the last 36 hours.  I took Scout out of his kennel and he happily mauled us.  It felt great to be home.  Mr. Na instantly ran upstairs where he spent the next few hours playing with all of the toys he missed.  Meanwhile, Scoutie did the saddest thing: he went from room to room whining and then stopped in the den and laid down on Moofie’s bed, whining some more.  He was trying to tell me that he, too, lost his best friend.

Since our outbound flight from Kiev to JFK was delayed by five hours, Na and I were going to miss our connection to Seattle.  Pa thought ahead and booked us on a later flight, so at least we had the chance of coming home the same day.  But we were out of luck.  After a 10-1/2 hour flight to NY, without sleep and sufficient cold medicine, we landed at JFK only to sit on the tarmac for another hour waiting to be taxied to the gate.  Finally that happens, but a giant “people mover” had to come and get us off the plane and take us back to the International Terminal so we could go through customs.  Just about the time we made our way through customs, an announcement was made that JFK airport was closed until further notice.  For the first time in history, there was a tornado advisory in effect!  That meant the ramp was closed which meant we couldn’t get our luggage, which meant we had to stay in the Customs area, which meant no cell phone service to call our house sitter and let her know we wouldn’t be coming home until the next day!

Three hours later, JFK re-opened–flights resumed but those of us who had later flights were stuck for the night.  Luckily Delta was gracious enough to put Na and I up at a hotel nearby.  I loaded up on some cold medicine at a nearby kiosk and dragged my poor child through a rainstorm to hop on the train to take us to the hotel.  We arrived at 11:00 p.m., ate at the restaurant, and fell asleep.

I know I’ve managed to skip over a few days (and what seemed to me like thousands of hours!) but I wanted to report that we are all in Seattle!  It feels great to be home, although it’s incredibly hard to believe Oatie is gone.  She leaves behind a gaping hole.

Mr. Na and I rode the train from Kramatorsk to Kiev–and from there, we stayed for another day before embarking on a 36-hour journey home.  Let me tell you–we hadn’t planned on a 36-hour journey.  It was the most miserable traveling experience I had ever been through and it’s left me not wanting to travel again for a very long time!

First off, I was sick.  So even the train ride to Kiev was scary.  Between not being able to breathe and feeling flu like symptoms, I was pretty afraid to be traveling alone with Na without Pa.  I woke up sometime during the night with a very bad bloody nose.  I must’ve given my poor schnozz a run for its money what with all the blowing and nasal decongestants I was taking.

I felt ok when we got to Kiev and we went straight to the American Embassy so I could fill out Audri’s paperwork.  The whole thing took only an hour.  Klas then took us to a new apartment, which was the very same apartment we had when we first brought Mr. Na to Kiev!  Of course, he didn’t remember it, but the lady renting it out to us sure remembered Na!  She was amazed–which seemed to be the trend throughout the trip.

I even managed to nap, and when I awoke, a fellow adoptive couple called to see if we could all get together for dinner.  They had just adopted an 8 year-old girl and were heading home in a few days.  I looked forward to getting to know them.

Na and I took the Metro–his fifth underground Metro–and we met the family and shared each other’s experiences over dinner.  Their daughter is lovely.  She seemed to be at ease with Peter even though he couldn’t speak any Russian!  After dinner, we walked around and I noticed that my eyes felt kind of gooey and my vision was getting blurry.  When we said our goodbyes and went back to the apartment, my eyes were hot pink!  I had caught pink eye on top of everything else!

It was 11 p.m. and there weren’t any Aptekas open…plus we were being picked up at 8:15 to go to the airport the next morning and it seemed unlikely anything would be open beforehand.  I was in agony.

The next morning, I woke up at 6–showered, woke up Mr. Na and we headed outside to look for some breakfast.  We found a little kiosk right at the bottom of the Metro steps that sold mini warm apricot croissants.  They hit the spot, but my eyes were still giving me a lot of trouble.

Lucky for me, when our driver picked us up, he told me there was an Apteka in the airport and that he would get me a bottle of Sofradex for my eyes.   Everything was much better until we got to the ticket counter and right after our driver left us, I noticed that instead of our flight leaving at 10:55, it was leaving at 2:40!  I had just given our driver the last of my Ukrainian money to give to Pa when he saw him the next week.  We had five hours to kill in the airport, no money, and very little to eat for breakfast.  I just stood at the ticket counter and cried.

Mr. Na and I will board a train tonight bound for Kiev, leaving Pa and Audri behind.  I’m very sad to leave them but I know they’ll follow in a few short days.  Pa needs to finish out the ten day waiting period and then get Audri’s new birth certificate, passport and visa.

I’ve come down with the flu and so life here in Kramatorsk has been pretty rough.  I’ve spent a few days in the apartment, taking massive doses of Ukrainian cold medicine and feeling sad I’m not able to go to the orphanage to spend some time with Audri.  But I know getting on a train and a plane with a bad cold is far worse than missing a few days, and I’d rather be on the mend before I travel.

You may wonder how it is I’m actually able to buy the right cold medicine, given that Mischa, our translator, is back in Kiev.  The woman who we’re renting the apartment from is a doctor at the orphanage, though she doesn’t speak any English.  So we’ve phoned Mischa to tell her our symptoms and she phoned the doctor who gave us a list of recommended medicine with doses.  Mischa then called me back and told me how to take the five different kinds of pills.  They’ve been helping with my aches and pains, but not necessarily my stuffy head.  Thank goodness Ukraine has Theraflu as well!

Mr. Na is looking forward to coming home.  He misses life back in Seattle–namely, his toys, his friends and his routine.  I don’t blame him.  I miss those things too.  But what I’m not looking forward to is coming home and facing Oatie’s death.   Our house will not be the same without her.

Once we pull in to Kiev tomorrow morning, Mr. Na and I will go to the American Embassy where I can start the visa paperwork for Audri.  After that, we’ll have the rest of the day to sightsee.  Then on Friday morning, we board the plane home.  I’ll write more once I make it to Kiev.